Why?
by amberdowny
Summary: Remember that list Hawk wrote for Erin in “Where There’s a Will, There’s a War”? Well, what happened when she finally got it?


Disclaimer: I don't own MASH. If I did, it would've been even slashier than it already was, if that's humanly possible.

A/N: Remember that list Hawk wrote for Erin in "Where There's a Will, There's a War"? Well, what happened when she finally got it?

Going by dates and GFA, I'm putting Erin's birthday on July 20. The war ended the 27th, and I think it'd be a fair estimate to say there was a week in between then and the joint party.

I run in from outside and pick up the phone on the fourth ring. "Hello?" I pant.

"Hawkeye?" Erin.

"Yes?" I reply.

"It's Erin. You're coming out for my birthday, aren't you?"

I grin. "Of course I am. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good." There's muffled conversation, and then Erin says, "Hawkeye, Dad wants to talk to you."

More muffled noises, and then B.J. comes on the line. "Hey, Hawk!"

"Hi Beej," I reply. "How are you doing?"

"Really well," he says. "I got the job."

I grin again. "Heey, great! So how does it feel to work at one of the best hospitals in California?"

"Fantastic," B.J. says. "The only bad part of it is that Erin is by herself most of the day now."

I hear Erin yell something along the lines of "I'm almost sixteen!" I laugh.

"I don't think she minds."

"Yeah, but since I'm all she's got…" Beej says quietly. He sighs, and then goes on, "She's really looking forward to you coming."

I shrug. "Well, she likes me. Besides, I have something for her."

"You don't have to come all the way out here just to give her something. Mail it."

I shake my head vehemently. "No no no, I am not mailing it. I'm not trusting the mail with something like this."

"How much did it cost?" B.J. asks incredulously.

"It has sentimental value," I say. "It didn't actually cost anything." As an afterthought I add, "Well, I did actually buy her something too. Besides, I get to see you too."

"Remind me again why one of us doesn't move to the other coast? We make enough cross-country trips in a year."

"Because I'm not going to ask you to leave California and your job, and I'm not leaving Maine and mine," I reply.

"Uh huh. Well, I'd better go. See you soon Hawk."

"See you," I reply.

I begin to hang up the phone but I hear B.J. say loudly, "Just a minute!"

"What?"

"Erin wants to say goodbye." Erin comes on the phone again.

"Bye Hawkeye. See you…when will you be here?"

"The…19th," I reply, checking the calendar. "Wednesday. The day after tomorrow. And I'll be leaving on the 22nd. Saturday."

"Okay, see you Wednesday." She sounds disappointed.

"I took as much time as I could," I say.

"I know. It's okay. Bye."

"Bye," I reply, and then hang up. I go to my bedroom, where my suitcase sits, mostly packed. I toss in a wrapped gift for Erin--a gold necklace--and a couple of pairs of socks. There. Only one thing left. I cross to my closet, open a box and pull out a thick, sealed envelope. There are words on the outside-- "For Erin Hunnicutt". I sigh and lay in gently in the suitcase. Then I put a shirt over it, and hope it'll be okay on the plane.

Inside that envelope are the names of every soldier B.J. worked on in Korea. After I'd finished the original list, I'd added to it weekly. I'd finally sealed the envelope the day I'd gotten home. I'd debated sending to Erin with B.J., but I finally decided to give it to her on her sixteenth birthday. When I'd made that decision, I hadn't even known her.

Then, barely a year after the war had ended, B.J. had shown up at my house with Erin. Peg had died in a car accident, and B.J. was in pretty bad shape. The two of them had stayed with me for a few months, and then had gone back to California. We visited each other pretty regularly, and so Erin and I had gotten pretty close. I feel more than ever that she'll fully understand what the list means now.

"Hawkeye! Hawkeye, over here!"

I stand on tiptoe and look over the heads of the people in the crowd in the airport in San Francisco. I see B.J. and Erin waving and make my way over to them. B.J. immediately hugs me, and I sigh mournfully.

"You grew it back again."

"Erin likes it," B.J. says defensively.

Erin, who was taking her turn at hugging me, shook her head. "I didn't say that, Dad. I just said it could be worse."

He glares at the two of us and rubs his moustache. "Well, _I_ like it," he says haughtily. "Come on Hawk, the car's this way."

Erin and I follow B.J. to the car, and we get in, Erin graciously letting me sit up front with B.J. "We'll be there in like twenty minutes," Erin says as we pull onto the main road.

"I remember," I reply. "Don't you start driving soon?" I ask her.

"Yes," she says, just as B.J. says, "No."

I laugh, and the settle back in my seat for the drive.

The next day, right after lunch, Erin opens her gifts. She opens a sweater from B.J., the necklace I gave her, and then reaches for the list.

I grab it before she can. "Um, I think you should wait on this one."

She frowns, but says agreeably, "All right."

B.J. shoots me a questioning look as Erin opens up another box from B.J., which turns out to be another necklace. I shake my head slightly. "You have to wait too," I murmur.

Erin opens a card sent from her maternal grandparents, and then a card from her paternal grandparents. "Grandma Bea and Grandpa Jay say to tell you to call them soon," she informs her father.

"You mean that your parents' names are really Bea and Jay?" I ask incredulously.

"Yes," B.J. smirks. "I told you so."

I stick my tongue out at him.

"Can I open your envelope now, Hawkeye?" Erin asks me.

"Yeah," I reply.

Erin carefully peels back the flap, and then pulls out the thick wad of papers. "'Private George Adams'," she reads aloud, "'Sergeant Gregory Anderson'--" she stops, then frowns. "I don't understand," she says, looking up at me. "What is this?"

"Here, read the last sheet," I tell her. On the last sheet is the exact thing I wrote in my will, all those years ago.

"'To Erin Hunnicutt," she reads, "I leave you a list of all the young men your daddy took care of while he was in Korea. Many of them have him to thank for being alive today. I want you to understand why he had to be away during those first years of your life. I hope I have the chance to give you this in person. But around here you never know.'" She looks up again, and I can see that she's still a little confused. I glance over to B.J. He has tears in his eyes.

"What do you mean, 'Around here you never know'?" she asks.

"I wrote that in Korea. It was part of my will," I say softly. "I was trying to find something to leave to B.J. and so I left you this instead."

Erin flips through the many sheets of paper. "There are hundreds of names," she says softly.

"Yeah."

"Thank you," she says.

"Was this from when you went up to that Aid Station and--"

"Yeah," I say again. "Well, I started it then. I added names up until we left. I sealed the envelope the day I got home."

"It means a lot," Erin says. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I say sincerely. "And so are you, Beej."

He shakes his head, doesn't say anything. He blinks a few times. "Hawk…"

"You don't need to say anything," I say with a smile.

And then they both hug me at once.


End file.
